At the Cross

Sometimes I feel with my blog that I write about whatever has been going on that day, something funny, etc., but this is something God has put on my heart for two weeks now.  This might be long, but I pray that God uses it to bring truth, light, and freedom to someone.

I really can’t begin to describe how much God has been challenging me lately.  I feel like things are changing again, and they are good.  I find it funny how we pray for things, and then when they happen we act surprised at what is going on. God does hear and answer our prayers.  I’ve seen this more in my life lately than ever. However, I digress.

I know that we all have struggles, sometimes specific struggles that take time to overcome. I want to share one of them with you, and how God has revealed so much through this struggle. Many of you may know that I struggle with fear and anxiety.  I naturally have a mind that wants to understand, analyze, and plan everything, and this of course makes it difficult for me to have faith, because faith requires not being able to see the end result. Two Mondays ago, I was sitting in Highland Coffees, studying for a test and reading Do You Think I’m Beautiful by Angela Thomas (which is one of my all-time favorite books). I have read this book probably about six times, but this time something specifically stood out.  There is a chapter about fear, and she quotes 1 John 4:18:

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

She then continues to talk about how we have fear because we think we deserve punishment. I have read this verse hundreds of times, but something clicked in my mind..God do I feel like I still deserve punishment?

…..and the answer was yes.

This lead me to think about what I truly believe. Not what I recite but what I truly believe in the innermost places of my heart.  Growing up in church, we are taught as children that “Jesus loves us” and that “Jesus died on the cross for my sins.” These are both very true statements, but so many times we just say these things and don’t allow the true meaning to sink in. I began to think…okay God, if I believe, truly, that Jesus died on the cross for me, then what does this look like in my life? How does this affect me? Dear friends, let me tell you that this has made all the difference.

I began to look at my struggles in a new light. I had been afraid of God-afraid that He would punish me if I made a bad choice, or messed up.  I feared that God would deem me not good enough-that somedays I would please him but others disappoint him,  and he therefore would withold his love and protection for me because of my inadequacies.  This was, of course, causing me to struggle with guilt, shame, anxiety, and keeping me out of the place where I was able to rest in God’s love for me.  When I understood this stronghold of lies and began to think of what happend on the cross, I started to have more freedom.  When the enemy causes me to fear punishment, I love Isaiah 53:5 which says that Jesus took my punishment for me. Yes, Jesus took it for me! I no longer will be punished! Jesus came so that I could have freedom. Some other scriptures that have really helped me are Hebrews 10:17 which says that God not only forgives my sins, but doesn’t even remember them, and one of my favorite verses is Titus 3:4-5:

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.

That is like a life verse for me, one I need to continually meditate on.  As Robert McGee says in his book The Search for Significance, I have to give up my own efforts for righteousness and completely trust that what Christ did on the cross was sufficient.  I don’t want you to think that I have this all down.  I still daily struggle with the tendency to worry that I will not be good enough and fear God’s punishment. I have to remember that I never have been good enough or never will be…that I am covered by the blood of Jesus, secure in Him alone. I am loved and fully pleasing to God because of the sacrifice of Jesus. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing. I like to think of the cross as the bottom line in my life. No matter how rough of a day I have had or how great of a day I have had, at the end of the day I am covered by the blood of Jesus. I will spend eternity in Heaven with my Father. I am free! I AM FREE!! I am more than a conqueror because of the cross.

If you have believed in Christ’s death for you already, I pray that you would re-examine your life and allow the cross of Christ to become a reality. Let it change the way you live. Let it give you an abounding measure of joy and fullness that you can pour out into others.  Let it give you a security and sense of peace that you have never had before.  If you haven’t accepted Jesus, I pray that you would seek God out. I don’t care if you think this is like a  “come up to the front time” at church. The cross is real. God is real and he has changed my life. I pray that you would begin to know the One that has loved you more than you could ever imagine…the One who can give your life purpose and meaning…and the one who heals.