we cry out

I love how God knows what we are going to do before we do it! I wasn’t even planning on it today, but I went and prayed for LSU in St. Alban’s Chapel. A friend of mine has organized a week of much needed 24/7 prayer for LSU, where people of all denominations can come pray. I remember hearing about it, but then really didn’t think much more of it. I’m so glad God had a different agenda for me. Another thing-I brought my iPod to school which I haven’t done in a long time, and I am so glad. Lately I have been pretty obsessed with Jesus Culture’s worship and this song in particular was perfect for today. You really need to watch this.

Oh Lord we cry out, we’ve been lost
We need your mercies oh God
We repent for our sin and we turn to you again

Oh lord we cry out, we’ve been lost
Change our hearts to yours oh god
We repent for our ways and we turn to you again
And we turn to you

I can’t tell you how awesome it was to get on my face and cry out for the lost and the hurting at LSU. How many times do I know people that need Jesus, yet am too busy with my own issues to share with them? Forgive me God.

we are a chosen generation

Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.-2 Chronicles 7:14

[I'm sorry this video isn't working anymore. They took it off YouTube right after I posted it..must be all my fault!]

comfort?

The first thing God does with us is to get us based on rugged Reality until we do not care what becomes of us individually as long as He gets His way for the purpose of His Redemption. Why shouldn’t we go through heartbreaks? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us fall and collapse at the first grip of pain; we sit down on the threshold of God’s purpose and die away of self-pity, and all so called Christian sympathy will aid us to our death bed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, and says - “Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine.” If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart.
-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

This quote hit me like a ton of bricks today. I have been learning so much lately-sometimes I get so uncomfortable, and I beg God to take it away from me.  There are days when I long for how things used to be-when I was comfortable, and not really concerned about anything in my life besides just normal everyday things. I’m beginning to realize that it’s not about me and my comfort. I was being effective for God in the past, but God wants to take me to a new level in Him!  Yes God loves me endlessly, and wants to give me peace and joy, but if my uncomfort causes me to do things that I would normally not do, and these things cause God’s purpose for someone else’s life to come to pass..then praise God! So Jesus I praise you and thank you today for making me uncomfortable! I thank you are molding me into the person that you desire for me to be, and it is all done out of love.

blank slate

I know that for myself and many others, walking out this thing called “Christianity” each day involves clothing ourselves with humility and dying to our flesh. This is an area that I am continually improving in, but today I got a pretty big “humility reality check” as I would like to call it. I don’t know if anyone else is like this, but God has really had to teach me how to live in the present. I find myself either dwelling on the past or thinking too much about the future, missing the small ministry moments that God has for me in each day. I guess part of it has to do with the stage of life I am in- I’m 21 and graduating from college in December, so I am beginning to think about what God has for me in the future. I am trusting that God is going to direct me in the path I need to go. However, sometimes I wonder if I expect too much too soon in my future.

Ever since I started following Jesus again in July 2006, I began to realize that my heart was in ministry. I love working with people, and especially in a God-context. I know that I could be successful in the corporate world but there would just be something missing. So right now, I really want to do full-time ministry. I know that God has some big plans for my life, but today I was thinking (and this is where the humility reality check came in), “what if these big dreams I have for myself take a long while in coming?” Wow. Flesh-Lauren took a blow today. Even though I want to do ministry, sometimes I get so caught up in the position of being on a church staff, or being a leader of a ministry that I focus on that instead of serving Jesus (ouch!). So I realized today that my life needs to be a blank slate that Jesus can write what he wishes on. This means I need to be okay with whatever he has for me, no matter what this looks like. I need to be okay with possibly having a normal job. I need to be okay being someone’s amorbearer for years, serving their dream instead of mine.

I was reading Summer Kelly’s blog today (which is amazing, by the way) and she wrote a post about the 10 things she learned in leadership class. I hope she doesn’t mind, but I’m going to borrow them, because I feel that they are very relevant to this post. (Thanks Summer in advance!)

1) Your IDENTITY should never be about what you do, your degree, or your job title — and it certainly should not be defined by your past! You have to move on; don’t lead others into your bondage; rise up and lead people into freedom.

2) True leadership is about investing in OTHERS and empowering THEM to live up to their full potential. It should never be about US. We have to lay aside our own insecurities and our pride in the “title” and find our significance in the anointing God has put on our life.

3) If you are leading and no one is following you, you’re not really leading.

4) It’s wonderful to have dreams and ambitions, but if you only keep your eyes on the summit of God’s vision for you, you may lose your footing & miss what God has for you where you are NOW. Be faithful to where God has you at this moment, even if it is not your “calling” or “dream,” and He will bless you for it.

5) Go in the strength that you have; don’t be afraid to step out! Don’t look at the situation or circumstance with trepidation — Keep your focus on God and step out in faith. He will supply the rest.

6) Leadership is more about character — WHO we are, not what we “do.” Character and integrity are a day-to-day process. Character is what comes out when you SQUEEZE someone. Character is what gives us credibility.

7) We can make all the “plans” we want, but without God’s anointing, we can’t do anything — no matter how noble we think our plans might be. (yep..wow)

8 ) The WORLD equates leadership with power and fame, but God equates leadership with humility and servant-hood.

9) To whom much is given, much will be required. There is tremendous responsibility that comes with the gifts God has given us. USE YOUR GIFTS. If you don’t they will almost certainly be taken from you.
Think of it: What might the world look like if we all used our gifts???

10) Next-level leaders always find a need to fill or a hurt to heal. Making a difference in this life is simply a matter of CHOICE. You have to make a choice to ACT & decide to make a difference in this world.

whew…that convicted me BIG time!! Just when you think you are doing pretty good God goes and shows you how much you have to learn.

beyond measure

I’ve still been going through lots of changes, but they are all good. God is drawing me closer to his heart, which is such an incredible, beautiful thing! I have an abundance of joy and peace today, which I am so thankful for. These things have been rare commodities these past few months, so they are especially sweet today. I feel like I have such a child-like faith today-I am not thinking about things that are too big for me-just delighting in having a quiet spirit before my Father.

The fog has finally cleared to see,
The beautiful life you’ve given me
To feel the breeze of my newborn’s gentle breath
With one to walk hand in hand,
To share this life that you have planned
It’s like a storybook with dreams
That are meant to see every next step is an extraordinary scene

I know that I’ve been,
Given more than beyond measure,
I come alive when,
I see beyond my fears
I know that I’ve been given more than earthly treasure,
I come alive when
I’ve broken down and given You control

I’ve faced a great tragedy,
But have seen the works of what You bring
A display of faith that You give,
I don’t know if I will ever understand
The depth of what it is You’ve done inside,
But I know that I won’t find any worth apart from You

I know that I’ve been,
Given more than beyond measure,
I come alive when,
I see beyond my fears
I know that I’ve been given more than earthly treasure,
I come alive when
I’ve broken down and given You control

Everything that I have
Has been given so unselfishly
And shown that even when I don’t deserve
You always show the fullness of Your love

I know that I’ve been,
Given more than beyond measure,
I come alive when,
I see beyond my fears
I know that I’ve been given more than earthly treasure,
I come alive when
I’ve broken down and given You control
When I’ve broken down and given You control

Jeremy Camp, Beyond Measure

Oh how relevant these lyrics have been/are to me right now! Our God is so good.

on Pause

So..at refuge in St. Francisville, we started a new series last Sunday called “pause.” I think it is so funny how you will hear a message on a Sunday and then God will deal with your heart all week on that subject. Basically, pause explores those moments between hearing from God and the actions that follow.  I think we all have those pause moments-we know that we hear from God or feel a prompting in our spirit, and then we decide whether or not we want to be obedient.  Just this week alone, God showed me some situations in my life in which I had been on pause.  The Lord had asked me to do a few things, and honestly, I had been putting them off.  I had been on pause with one situation for a few weeks, and then another since last April (thats 10 months of pausing..sheesh!).  I don’t want to stay on pause, because when I am , I am inactive.  I realized the other day that this is what the enemy wants.  He wants us to just get stuck on one issue, or circumstance and stay there so we can’t be effective anymore.  Think about it this way: if God calls you do something and you don’t do it, it’s like letting the enemy win! That thought definitely gave me a new view on what disobedience is.  So I pray, dear friends, that God would give you the courage and the strength to get un-stuck and get back on play!

new worship

So..here’s the deal:

I need some new worship music.  I’m not saying that the old stuff is bad, I mean Hillsong will always be amazing, but I’m just in the mood for some raw, new worship.  I was checking on iTunes tonight, and found this amazing CD called Healing Waters by Kari Jobe and Klaus Kuhn (CFNI grads) and I’m pretty excited.  I’m also really enjoying Rita Springer right now too.

If you have any suggestions for me, then please leave me a comment! Thanks in advance.

and..please pray. Seriously.  I challenge you to get on your face and pray earnestly for everyone that God brings to your mind.  God is doing some crazy stuff right now, and the enemy is not happy about it and is bringing the attack on full force. So please cover everyone you know in prayer, and if you can’t think of anyone specifically, pray for the hundreds of lives that are going to be changed at Amplified this weekend.

middle of the night randomness

I don’t know if wordpress timestamps blog entries, but its 3 in the morning.

Yes I know…I’m up late.  I went and had an amazing dinner tonight, and then had some iced coffee.  I think it’s very ironic how I can drink coffee when I need to study and it doesn’t hardly work, but when I drink coffee just for the heck of it, I’m wide awake in the middle of the night. Please forgive me if some of this doesn’t make sense-I am still pretty tired.

I find myself thinking about quite a few things at this early hour.  I feel that I’m having a Psalm 63:6 moment, thinking of God through the watches of the night, just like David did.  Something that has been on my mind lately and tonight especially, is the change I have been going through. I look back on past months, and don’t even feel that I am the same person anymore.  Sometimes I feel that I am very repetitive in my blogging due to the fact that I have blogged about me changing quite a bit, but that is just where God has me right now.  Sometimes I long for things to be the way they used to be-I miss the comfort of last year, but know that the only way I can grow is if I am uncomfortable.  Pastor Mike preached on Sunday in St. Francisville, and said that God comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable.

Well God, I’m pretty disturbed right now (in a good way of course)

My heart just hurts for Amy and her family this morning.  I know that God is sovereign, and that His ways are above anything we can understand.  Sometimes that is all I can hold onto when I am hurting, or I hear of other people who are suffering.  God knows what he is doing, and we just have to trust in Him that sometimes His Jer 29:11 plans for our life require us to go through pain.  It’s all for His glory.

I also know of so many other people who have family members who are battling sickness or who are dealing with issues of their own.  I know that life is such a gift from God, but sometimes it is just hard.  What an awesome time it is to be a disciple of Christ.  What a privilege it is to reach out to people. I am so thankful that no matter what, there is always hope, and his name is Jesus.

Despite all of these things, God has recently brought some big blessings into my life, and for that I am so thankful.  It’s only really been one day, but my new residence has been such a blessing already.

I am thankful that I never have to do this thing called life alone.

I am thankful for Jesus and the power of the cross.

I am thankful that God delights in me and longs for me to come to Him.  

I am thankful that God knows what I need more than I do.

I am thankful that I can cast my cares upon the Lord everyday.

I want to live surrendered.

I want to be broken so that I can be poured out.

I want to hear “Well done good and faithful servant.”

Thank you Lord. You are so good.

the year so far

Usually I am not one who is at a loss for words (or blog words, for that matter). I can’t tell you how much I would love to sit down right now and blog about everything that God has been working in me these past few weeks, but I can’t. I feel that I have been through so much and learned so much that words just wouldn’t do it justice. Just know this: ever since January 1st the Lord has been doing some serious work in my heart and in my life. I have been stretched in my walk in ways I never thought I would be. I have had to let God dig down really deep and pull up some roots that have had a hold in my heart since I was little. No, these things are not fun, but they are necessary. However, the joy that comes from going through these things is incredible. I know that the Lord really wants to set me free in 2008, and freedom never comes without a price. However….the best news is…

I am dying. Not literally dying, but flesh-Lauren is dying. This has probably been the hardest thing I have ever been through, but it is so good. The less of Lauren that there is, the more Jesus can be there. God is so good and so faithful.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has been there for me these past few weeks. Thank you for praying with me and just being there. You will never know how much it means.

….and on a lighter note…

You really need to go to St. Francisville to this place called The Barn and take a picture in front of the outhouse. End of story.

Living by faith

I figured that since my last post was nothing but pictures, it is about time that I post something of actual substance.

I know that even though this blog is public and anyone can read it, I still try to be as transparent as possible without writing too much.  Before Christmas, we had an awesome Elevate class about how a good leader needs to be teachable and touchable, and definitely part of being touchable is admitting that you don’t have it all together and that sometimes you struggle.   I am going to be perfectly honest- it is better now, but over break I started having lots of questions and doubts, and even became angry with God.

When I am at LSU I am happy there, but when I come back home to Texas, I really start struggling with why I am in Baton Rouge.  After I spend a few days at home, or even traveling to see other family members, I begin to question.  I think, “what would my life be like if I lived in/went to college at (fill in the blank)? Would I be happier here?” After these questions arise, I begin to think of all of the ways that I could be happier in this other place than the place I am at right now.  I know that wherever I would go, Lauren would still be there.  I would still have these same issues.  However, being a perfectionist for most of my life, I grew up thinking that one day my life would be a certain way.  I dreamed of having this life where I was ridiculously happy, and everything was perfect.  I am now realizing that this “ideal” doesn’t exist..in situations or in people..and it has been something the Lord has had to work on with me.  Due to the fact that my life in Baton Rouge has not met up to this perfect ideal (I know that no place would), I begin to get extremely frustrated, and last week even became angry at the Lord.  I said, “Lord this is NOT what I wanted! How could you do this to me…this is NOT the life I wanted!” I cried and just fought with myself because I know that Baton Rouge is where I am supposed to be, yet something inside of me was severely disappointed.

After a day or so of this, I remembered an old verse, and I began to repeat it over and over in my mind.  This is a very familiar verse, and it reminded me how many times we just memorize things but don’t really think about what they mean.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding
in all your ways acknowledge Him
and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3: 5-6

The more I said this to myself, the more I remembered this is how I needed to live.  I needed to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not own my own understanding.  Usually I have a pretty good understanding of things, but due to the fact that I am human, my real understanding pretty much stinks.  I do not understand why I go through certain things or why I am in the place that I am at, but I just have to trust that God knows what He is doing with me, and that I am not there by accident. I have heard it said that we as humans have tunnel vision, and can only see one thing at a time while God has big picture vision and can see everything.  I think this is so true, because if we could see the big picture of our life, we would understand why we are in the places that we are.  I believe Lord, help my unbelief. If I had my life all figured out, I would not need God.  I need to rest in the fact that God’s ways are so much higher than mine, and that there are things I will never know until I get to Heaven.  And until then, I just need to trust my father.

..and then he [Jesus] said to Thomas [Lauren]….stop doubting and just believe…

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. -Hebrews 11:1

so Lauren..what have you been doing?

I hope that 2008 has already been great for everyone. In case anyone is dying to know what I have been up to for the past two weeks, here is a brief pictoral summary.

My dad, my mom, and I in front of my Nonnie’s Christmas tree. Big Dent didn’t make the cut..just joking..he took the picture.

All the Hensley/Shaw Grandkids and our Nonnie

My Nonnie became a big LSU fan once I went to college..and look what she got for Christmas! Geaux Tigers!

These people in San Angelo have a whole lot full of Christmas lights and decorations. They start putting them up in October, and we have been there to see them as long as I remember.

My parents and I on Hill Street…I was cold.

My family gave me an early surprise birthday party! I had no idea!
disclaimer: I know I have a UT sweatshirt on..but hey I was in Texas.

Enjoying my birthday cake

Celebrating my second birthday party on NYE

This is my mom’s best friend, who I call my Aunt Rita. She is an awesome person and I miss her very much.

I’m 21!!!!! Well almost.

Besides having tons of holiday fun, I also watched about 20 episodes of 24 (season 5). My family is pretty much obsessed with this show, and since I never watch tv normally, it was fun to watch 24 with them. I have now decided to abandon all of my other future career plans and apply to CTU. My new goal in life is to be just like Chloe, minus the facial expressions. Watch out terrorists..here I come!

I’m only joking.

Now I’m looking forward to my real birthday, which is tomorrow, January 4th.